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you've told me a million times
that I've changed, and you don't even know
who I am anymore.

and you keep telling me over and over
that you want the old me back,
but darling, you can't have her
anymore.
not even I
can have her anymore.
you don't even deserve her;
you stabbed her heart
and left her there to bleed,
left her alone
for the dark thoughts
to overwhelm her.

and I'm afraid for that girl,
the little girl whose body I used to play in,
who grew up to hate herself,
the girl who is currently
rotting in the ground...
you lost her, and I lost her too
and now I'm afraid
for who I've become;
a girl wandering in the world
with no clue about who she is
a few years
into the future.

SORRY

" It's that feeling again. Of never being good enough.

I mean sure, I expected such things of you guys. You're always doing well, even without trying, or even when you say you're giving up, you still manage to pull if off and do exceptionally well. And that's a good thing. I like that about you.

But I don't know why is it so hard for me to be happy for you. I want to be happy for you but there's always something stopping me. Jealousy perhaps? As much as I hate it, it is a part of us all and I hate how it makes me feel.

I'm sorry. I know that kinda makes me a bad friend since I can't even be happy for your successes. Again, it's something I have to work on.

I'm sorry. "

Exam-blues.

Exam's coming! Paper's on Thursday till Saturday.

With lots of readings to be completed and notes to go through, I have no idea how am I going to survive this week but somehow, I know I will.  

Just a short update, felt like blogging cause my brain cannot take in anymore information, so no more studying for the night. 

Good luck to all for examinations! 

Nights.