Sometimes it's heaven sent.

I (secretly) hoped for a longer walk home.

You.

Me.

The howling wind.

And what used to be of the past.

"Don't get mad when someone else starts to appreciate the person you took for granted."

But I am.

And I want everything back.

Here I am again, chasing.

11th December 2013

I mean 

Maybe at one point

I was enough

But

We both knew

That this time would come

I just hope

In the short time we had

It was worth it for you. 

Still Alive but Barely Breathing

2013 has been quite a bad year. I couldn't comprehend how much I hated this year. I feel like I'm suffocating and like I've lost all the life in my soul. I couldn't make myself love. I couldn't interest myself with new people. I've no distractions. My life is so carefree, there's nothing to make me feel motivated. 

Never Good Enough

Life is unfair, isn't it? We can never get that face we want, that figure we want, that intelligence we want, that personality we want, anything that we want that can’t be purchased. That’s when we start comparing ourselves, when we start feeling demoralised and when we start realizing that we will never be good enough. We then start harming and torturing ourselves in various ways to make ourselves feel more accepted, to ease the pain, to fit in. And even though we all are “beautiful in our own ways”, what if we don’t like our “own ways”?

It’s so unfair how some people can seem so flawless – perfect figure, nice smile, beautiful features, photogenic, able to pull off any look, look good in everything, etc, it’s so unfair. Maybe their personalities may not be as attractive as their outer appearance but who cares? Nobody. Yes everyone says “It doesn't matter if you’re beautiful on the outside because if your personality sucks, you’re ugly.” but take a second and reflect on yourself, do you even follow that saying? Nobody will get the chance to see your inner beauty if you’re not beautiful on the outside as well, and that’s a fact.

It’s undeniable that no matter how bitchy, unreasonable and “stupid” a girl may be, if she’s pretty, people still worship her. Even if she made an unforgivable mistake, she’ll still get forgiveness even without seeking for it. Okay maybe the word “unforgivable” exaggerates it a little but what I meant is that there will always be people pitying her, defending her, saying kind words about her even though they themselves know that she doesn’t deserve it, but they still do it. Even though there’ll be haters, the amount of supporters still overpowers it. While when a less attractive girl makes a mistake, it’s either nobody cares or there’ll be a big hoo-ha about it and people will start sending endless amounts of unnecessary hate to her, and/or even death threats. Yes, everybody deserves second chances, I agree, but why give unlimited amount of chances to the more attractive one while not even bothering to listen to the other’s story? I’m not saying this just because that’s the way I feel, but isn’t this what’s happening?

Most girls tend to fall for “bad boys” because they’re generally the better looking ones, right? It’ll take so much more time for an average/below average looking guy with a genuine heart to get that girl of his dreams while the bad boy, he doesn’t even need to do anything because the girl is already desperately trying to seek his attention.

Of course, I’m not saying that this applies to everybody because I know that there are people out there who aren’t like that but I’m just saying.

I know, we should count our blessings instead and remind ourselves of the endless list of things we should be thankful and grateful for and I know that there’s no point wishing I was prettier, slimmer, and everything because I’ll still look like me at the end of the day, unless I change my appearance surgically. But we can never be satisfied, and I believe most of us will never be.

why am I always cold?

I am fat, but I'm always cold.

Why am I always cold?

Save Me from This Sinking Feeling

It has been awhile. 

The feeling's back again. The fear. The fear of losing. The fear of possessing. I honestly thought that I would be so much more stronger than this. But it is bigger than me. I admit defeat entirely. Every now and then, I am still trying to get back on the right track but all I see is me going astray. What happened to my goals, what happened to my dreams... I miss and am in need of some alone time. I have been so busy with school, with friends, with pleasing everyone else but myself. I don't know how to be selfish, I don't know how to put myself first. I have been tired lately. Even in sleep, I find no respite. I don't want all that is left of me at the end of the day to be crumbs and dead leaves. Still trying to find light in darkness...

"So plant your own gardens and decorate your own soul,

instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers."

Never leaving my happiness in someone else's hands.

ME, MYSELF, I. 

QUESTIONS

Ever wondered where your life is really heading? Why does one thing excite you so much but not the other? What are you suppose to feel? Is it right to feel what you feel? What is the dream takes off? A bigger what IF the dream never starts? 

The thought of throwing it all away when things take flight is easy; throwing it all away when nothing happens? Not so favourable. It's human nature and what if I say I do understand but do you hear me? 

Time to make 2 lists: one to keep as my own torch, another to be thrown away. 

In Between // Close

Is it okay that I am comfortable virtually, but not close in reality? Like I feel we're match-made in heaven to be best friends over random virtual conversations on twitter or whatsapp, but facing nothing but uneasiness and awkward not-more-than-two-seconds eye contact when it comes to a face-to-face encounter. 

The distance is something I'm so used to. This distance of us knowing each other by a mere-square tiled, over-filtered display pictures, of us picturing each other's facial's expressions through the massive emojis and stickers, of us reciting each other's voices using our imagination of how shrill or raucous we sound while we read through the replies, and of us expressing more care and concern for each other because the computer screen hides our bashfulness.

Help! Is the digital world eroding my level of sociability or am I entering a mid-life crisis?

Lies

It's hard to trust someone again knowing they lied.

You have this feeling of not wanting to trust them again, but after all you have gone through with them, you still want their trust. You have doubts in your mind because you don't want to risk it anymore.

Knowing they lied to you, just hurts and you don't ever want to be hurt again because of the same reasons, lies. 

Day 320

"I think we spend too much time wondering why we’re not good enough. We waste too much time putting ourselves down, that we don’t ever stop to see that we are good enough. We spend too much time with our heads down and hearts closed, and never get a chance to look up from the ground and see that the sun is shining and tomorrow is another day."

Then I guess it all comes down to whether this is all enough for me.

Untitled

1. It takes years to build trust but a minute to destroy it. 

2. There's a difference between being stupid and being understanding.  

3. Everyone is replaceable. 

4. Heartbreak changes a person. 

5. People forgive but never forget.  

6. Some old wounds never truly heal and bleed again at the slightest word. 

You'll be mine and I'll be yours

       

         

"Because it's about this moment that both people are having when they see each other and all of the sudden the world looks different because everything's changed." 

Suck It Up

I really, really can't take it anymore. I'm on the verge of losing it though I only have to suck it up for the next 3 days. I hope I'm still breathing by then. Anyway, this sucks, always has been and always will. Lately, I think cutting helps? I don't know but ugh I'm so sick and tired of this. 

You do realize that the distance between us now is becoming further and further apart? I'm not even sure whether to go or not to go cause that just makes things worse: a) facing her or b) being a loner. 

Well, sometimes people do take you for granted. Maybe not sometimes, maybe they do it all the time. I always try my best to be accommodating - but when it comes to a time when I need people to be accommodating, they usually don't do the same or they do it reluctantly. Not trying to sound like a saint, but that's life for you. 

I should get back to feeding my already full brain with more unknown knowledge. bye.

3AM

I never liked being awake till the wee hours in my bed because the 3am thoughts creep into my thoughts and drives me insane. They make me think that I'm never good enough for anything or for anyone. They make me think of the good old times and how now things are such a mess because I screwed things up. These thoughts leave heart aches and make me cry till I'm breathless. The best thing you can do about 3am thoughts; never trust them, but I;m just not strong enough to do so. 

Save Me

It has been a long time. 

What am I doing here mobile-blogging when I'm supposed to be studying for finals next week. 

Argh trying to cram everything in my brain ASAP. Though here I am, stuck with Solid Geometry II trying to figure out a way to understand how to count the surface areas. 

Formulas. Formulas everywhere! 

Do you see how messy my study table is. Ahhh fml! 

I Wish I Could Tell You

I wish I could tell you,

About the depth of my pain,

It's almost never ending,

And hard to explain. 

I wish I could tell you, 

How broken I feel inside,

My body just hurts so much, 

But it's easy to hide.

I wish I could tell you, 

I can't function very well,

Difficult to get around,

But no one call tell. 

I wish I could tell you, 

But you wouldn't understand,

That I often have to ask,

For a helping hand.

I wish I could tell you,

How I honestly feel,

But you wouldn't believe me,

That this pain is so real. 

+Wondermilk, Citta Mall

I've never tried Wondermilk's food before besides their cupcakes. So, last Monday, we decided to have our brunch at Wondermilk, Citta Mall since the one at Damansara Uptown was a bit too far. There are three outlets in KL, the first one is located at Damansara Uptown, the second one is at Citta Mall and the third one is located at Publika Shopping Gallery.

They have their menus hung on the wall. 

Here's a clearer version. 

LOVE LOVE LOVE THEIR DECOR 

They have the initials "WM" in most of their decor which stands for Wondermilk. 

Wondermilk is a self-service cafe so they do have the cutlery placed properly in a corner. 

They're using real condensed milk tin as the food order number. So cuteeee! They even have the wi-fi password written down on the can. xD 

Moving on to foooooood!

Mr. Aglio Olio (RM14.90)

Classic aglio with beef or turkey rasher & sundried tomatoes topped with cheese. 

Personally, I think that this meal is so-so and the spaghetti is a bit too hard. 

California Chicken (RM12.90)

Chicken mayo, raisin, pineapple, crispy turkey bacon, cucumber and ranch dressing on multigrain.

Hello Elvis! (RM14.90) 

Beef rasher slice, chicken sausage, scrambled eggs with mushroom, grilled tomato, baked beans & toast.

Ultimate Super Burger (RM18.90)

100% lean beef, creamy black pepper sauce, mushroom, crispy turkey bacon, onion, cheese & fries on the side. 

I personally think that this burger is quite costly since the portion is super small.

Hot Chocolate (RM8.00)

Pink Sakura Wondercooler (RM8.90)

Lychee and peach combo. 

Being a lychee and peach lover, I absolutely love this drink. It'll help you quench your thirst on a hot, sunny day in Malaysia. Here are some of the cupcakes on display. 

Each cupcake is sold at RM4.50

Wondermilk also sells biscuits, cookies, marshmallows

Oh, there's a reading /  play area for children 

+Wondermilk Cafe

a) +Wondermilk Damansara Uptown

      41 Jalan SS 21/1A Damansara Utama,

      47400 Petaling Jaya, Selangor, Malaysia.

      Tel: 03-77258930

b) +Wondermilk Citta Mall

     Lot G-48 Citta Mall, Jalan PJU 1A/48, Ara Damansara,

     47301 Petaling Jaya, Selangor, Malaysia.

     Tel: 03-78317296

c) +Wondermilk Publika Shopping Gallery

     7A & 8A Level G2 Publika, Solaris Dutamas, Jalan Dutamas 1,

     50480 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

     Tel: 03-62111092

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ilovehellodeer

Website: http://www.ilovewondermilk.com/Wondermilk/I_Love_Wondermilk/I_Love_Wondermilk.html

Seafood Buffet @ Lemon Garden, Shangri-La KL

Buffets are very dangerous indeed. Sometimes, I tend to over stuff myself, but since we go for buffets only once in a blue moon, I guess it's okay to indulge ourselves. Lemon Garden Cafe at Shangri-La Kuala Lumpur offers an extremely wide and sumptuous spread where you get to eat whatever your heart desire. 
If you're a seafood lover, you will probably loveee this buffet as they serve seafood from fresh raw oysters to large juicy prawns. You can have as many as your stomach allows. 

Floral display at the lobby area.

Entrance

The buffet Lemon Garden offers an international food bar (Chinese, Malay, Indian, Western, Japanese, Italian, etc). But since we're here for the seafood, be focused. Personally, I think that there isn't any loss if you skip the International Bar. ;)

Blue fin tuna.

The crowd is definitely lingering at the seafood section. There are king prawns, mussels, oysters, scallops, snow crabs, slipper lobsters and many more from the sea. *Take note: The lobsters and scallops will be all snapped up in minutes. I suggest that you take those first before taking other food. :) Scallop was well prepared. Fresh, sweet and succulent; you'll be longing for more.

Sushi section.

The salmon sashimi is very fresh and melts in your mouth. The chef keeps cutting new slices to ensure the freshness. *Sashimis run out fast as well. 

Bread and cheese section. 

They have every single kind, flavor, form and shape of breads you can ever think of. Baguettes, crackers, flat breads, bagels, loaves, slices, crostini - literally, everything. Cheese includes: Blue cheese, Brie. Aged White Cheddar, Port Salut, Camembert, Gouda, Parmesan, etc. 

Chinese section. I didn't really eat anything from the Chinese section. There's a wok station and a selection of dim sum. They had the typical dim sum items (siu mai, har kaw, BBQ pork buns, dumplings, etc.)

Cod fish in soy sauce. 

Roasted pecking duck.

Noodles and soup section. 

Here, you can order any type of noodles with any ingredients. From wanton, beef briskets, to fishball noodles and Malaysian laksa. 

Moving on to the dessert section! The dessert section is extremely tempting, I kid you not.

WOW! I know :( I wanted to try everything but sadly my stomach didn't have much space left. And those meringues, they taste so good! 

The fondue station. There's milk chocolate and white chocolate. They have fresh fruit skewers, marshmallows, Madeleines, brownies, all sorts of cookies to dip into these decadent chocolate fountains.

Lemon Tart.

This tart is from the French / Italian desserts. 

They do have an ais kacang and ice-cream station but I didn't manage to get a picture. :( They also do offer a variety of traditional Malaysian desserts which I really didn't like at all. To be honest, I'm not a fan of Asian desserts. 

They are offering this seafood buffet every Thursday and Saturday night.

Thursday: RM125++ per adult / RM62.50++ per child

Saturday: RM135++ per adult / RM67.50++ per child

Lemon Garden Cafe

Address : Lobby Level, Shangri-La Hotel, 11,

               Jalan Sultan Ismail, 50250 Kuala Lumpur.

Tel         : 03-20743900

Email        : restaurantreservations.slkl@shangri-la.com

Website    : http://www.shangri-la.com/kualalumpur/shangrila/press-room/press-releases/buffet-galore-at-lemon-garden-cafe-shangri-la-hotel-kuala-lumpur/