in the end

Have you ever just blanked out and started thinking about everything? Your mind starts wandering. Your eyes start to blur. You just stop whatever you're doing and think. You can't hear anyone else but those voices inside your head. They're taking you to the most dangerous places where those most dangerous thoughts float around. And in the end, you're broken down and sobbing. 

This is exactly where I'm meant to be.

“The head of a company survived 9/11 because


His son started kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was


His turn to bring donuts.

One woman was late because her


Alarm clock didn’t go off in time.

One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike


Because of an auto accident.

One of them


Missed his bus.

One spilled food on her clothes and had to take

Time to change.

One’s


Car wouldn't start.

One couldn't

Get a taxi.

The one that struck me was the man


Who put on a new pair of shoes that morning,


Took the various means to get to work but before.


He got there, he developed a blister on his foot.


He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid.


That is why he is alive today..

Now when I am


Stuck in traffic,


Miss an elevator,


Turn back to answer a ringing telephone…


All the little things that annoy me,
I think to myself,

This is exactly where


I’m meant to be


At this very moment”

Word

I will occasionally get anonymous messages that go one of two ways:

• "you are so much prettier than [name of girl]"
• "[name of girl] is so much prettier than you"

and if you’re the kind of person who takes the time to send those kinds of anonymous messages, take a step back and honestly evaluate the rationale behind your thought process. I am not in competition with other girls; other girls are not in competition with me - & especially if you are a girl yourself, please understand that viewing other girls as being innately in competition with each other, especially over “who’s prettier” of all things, is actively damaging to our society as a whole
spread positivity & affirmation & support your fellow women rather than feeding into a culture that encourages us to tear each other down along with everyone else

Source: whitneyleemilam

To, or not to?

At some point, you'll realize that you have done so much for someone, that the only next possible step to do is stop. Leave them alone. Walk away. It's not like you're giving up, and it's not like you shouldn't try. It's just that you have to draw the line of determination from desperation. What's truly yours will eventually be yours, and what's not, no matter how hard you try, it'll never be.

Still why

"Dreams are always crushing when they don't come true. But it's the simple dreams that are often the most painful because they seem so personal, so reasonable, so attainable. You're always close enough to touch, but never quite close enough to hold and it's enough to break your heart." - Nicholas Sparks 

12:52am

She didn't know who was gonna stay, and who was gonna leave.

So, she pushed them all away. 

11.06.14

I used to be really, really hard on myself for every single mistake I made. Always regretting what I did wrong, over thinking it, and finding myself miserable at 3AM in the morning. So many mistakes I've made in my whole life which led me to think that I'm downright awful and horrible as a human being. It made me lose a lot of confidence in myself. I didn't like who I was. To this day, I still think back about some of them, especially those that affected me for a really long time... but I don't look back with disgust and regret anymore. Because does it solve anything? No. Would you rather move on and try to lead a happier life?

Yes. 

280514

you've told me a million times
that I've changed, and you don't even know
who I am anymore.

and you keep telling me over and over
that you want the old me back,
but darling, you can't have her
anymore.
not even I
can have her anymore.
you don't even deserve her;
you stabbed her heart
and left her there to bleed,
left her alone
for the dark thoughts
to overwhelm her.

and I'm afraid for that girl,
the little girl whose body I used to play in,
who grew up to hate herself,
the girl who is currently
rotting in the ground...
you lost her, and I lost her too
and now I'm afraid
for who I've become;
a girl wandering in the world
with no clue about who she is
a few years
into the future.

SORRY

" It's that feeling again. Of never being good enough.

I mean sure, I expected such things of you guys. You're always doing well, even without trying, or even when you say you're giving up, you still manage to pull if off and do exceptionally well. And that's a good thing. I like that about you.

But I don't know why is it so hard for me to be happy for you. I want to be happy for you but there's always something stopping me. Jealousy perhaps? As much as I hate it, it is a part of us all and I hate how it makes me feel.

I'm sorry. I know that kinda makes me a bad friend since I can't even be happy for your successes. Again, it's something I have to work on.

I'm sorry. "

Exam-blues.

Exam's coming! Paper's on Thursday till Saturday.

With lots of readings to be completed and notes to go through, I have no idea how am I going to survive this week but somehow, I know I will.  

Just a short update, felt like blogging cause my brain cannot take in anymore information, so no more studying for the night. 

Good luck to all for examinations! 

Nights.