QUESTIONS

Ever wondered where your life is really heading? Why does one thing excite you so much but not the other? What are you suppose to feel? Is it right to feel what you feel? What is the dream takes off? A bigger what IF the dream never starts? 

The thought of throwing it all away when things take flight is easy; throwing it all away when nothing happens? Not so favourable. It's human nature and what if I say I do understand but do you hear me? 

Time to make 2 lists: one to keep as my own torch, another to be thrown away. 

In Between // Close

Is it okay that I am comfortable virtually, but not close in reality? Like I feel we're match-made in heaven to be best friends over random virtual conversations on twitter or whatsapp, but facing nothing but uneasiness and awkward not-more-than-two-seconds eye contact when it comes to a face-to-face encounter. 

The distance is something I'm so used to. This distance of us knowing each other by a mere-square tiled, over-filtered display pictures, of us picturing each other's facial's expressions through the massive emojis and stickers, of us reciting each other's voices using our imagination of how shrill or raucous we sound while we read through the replies, and of us expressing more care and concern for each other because the computer screen hides our bashfulness.

Help! Is the digital world eroding my level of sociability or am I entering a mid-life crisis?

Lies

It's hard to trust someone again knowing they lied.

You have this feeling of not wanting to trust them again, but after all you have gone through with them, you still want their trust. You have doubts in your mind because you don't want to risk it anymore.

Knowing they lied to you, just hurts and you don't ever want to be hurt again because of the same reasons, lies. 

Day 320

"I think we spend too much time wondering why we’re not good enough. We waste too much time putting ourselves down, that we don’t ever stop to see that we are good enough. We spend too much time with our heads down and hearts closed, and never get a chance to look up from the ground and see that the sun is shining and tomorrow is another day."

Then I guess it all comes down to whether this is all enough for me.

Untitled

1. It takes years to build trust but a minute to destroy it. 

2. There's a difference between being stupid and being understanding.  

3. Everyone is replaceable. 

4. Heartbreak changes a person. 

5. People forgive but never forget.  

6. Some old wounds never truly heal and bleed again at the slightest word. 

You'll be mine and I'll be yours

       

         

"Because it's about this moment that both people are having when they see each other and all of the sudden the world looks different because everything's changed." 

Suck It Up

I really, really can't take it anymore. I'm on the verge of losing it though I only have to suck it up for the next 3 days. I hope I'm still breathing by then. Anyway, this sucks, always has been and always will. Lately, I think cutting helps? I don't know but ugh I'm so sick and tired of this. 

You do realize that the distance between us now is becoming further and further apart? I'm not even sure whether to go or not to go cause that just makes things worse: a) facing her or b) being a loner. 

Well, sometimes people do take you for granted. Maybe not sometimes, maybe they do it all the time. I always try my best to be accommodating - but when it comes to a time when I need people to be accommodating, they usually don't do the same or they do it reluctantly. Not trying to sound like a saint, but that's life for you. 

I should get back to feeding my already full brain with more unknown knowledge. bye.

3AM

I never liked being awake till the wee hours in my bed because the 3am thoughts creep into my thoughts and drives me insane. They make me think that I'm never good enough for anything or for anyone. They make me think of the good old times and how now things are such a mess because I screwed things up. These thoughts leave heart aches and make me cry till I'm breathless. The best thing you can do about 3am thoughts; never trust them, but I;m just not strong enough to do so.